A Mother's Instinct Is Not Just For Her Own

One buffering adult. One safe person. One caring mom. These can be the stand in for the losses the children in our communities face.

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“You’re only as healthy as your sickest kid.” It’s a common phrase among moms, highlighting the strong bond we have with our children. If the kids are alright, mom can rally. If the kids aren’t okay, mom feels it too.

When your kid is sick, you drop other things to drive to doctor’s appointments, run through the pharmacy, and attend to the sick child. You give up sleep, wondering if she will make it through the night.

When your child struggles emotionally, his burdens keep you up at night. Your other children might rest safely in the room next door, but that one who lives under a cloud of darkness is the one you think about.

You can’t sleep until your daughter is home from a night out with her friends. A report card filled with high grades brings joy, but it’s the one who has fallen behind you worry about.

Happiness is elusive for a mom when it eludes the one she birthed too.

I have four kids, meaning I’m statistically likely to have one kid not doing well at any given time. I think that is what Jesus has in mind when he says he leaves the flock of ninety-nine to go after the one. Ninety-nine healthy sheep aren’t enough to take his laser-like gaze off the one that is astray.

In other words, Jesus is only as okay as his sickest kid. If the kids aren’t alright, he can’t rest until they are safe and sound. He’s like a mother hen who can’t sleep until all her chicks are back in the nest.

There’s a lot we learn about God from fathers, and in many circles talking about the fatherhood of God is the primary focus. But don’t forget the mothers. The mothers who relentlessly pursue their children, advocate for their needs, lose sleep over their burdens, and assure their children of their constant care—these are the ones who tell the world what God is like.

There are a lot of motherless children in our world. I bet if you looked closely, you’d find them in your neighborhood, schools, sports teams, and maybe even hanging around your churches. They aren’t motherless because of death (though that is certainly possible), but most are motherless due to poverty, neglect, parental ignorance, and even systemic injustice that makes the task of parenthood impossible for the ones that birthed them.

Studies show that one “buffering” adult can offset the impact in children who have experienced what experts call “Adverse Childhood Experiences” (ACEs). An ACE can be things like having divorced parents, losing a family member to violence, extreme poverty, or even being the child of an incarcerated parent. In my state (Arkansas), we have the highest number of ACEs in the country. This means that every day, the children in our state are not okay. Ninety-nine might be supported and stable, but these children are the “one.”

There are many ways mothers use their instincts to make the world a better place, but maybe this is one.

All the mothering instincts you have to fight for your own children, to stand in the gap for them, to make clear paths for their future, to care for them, feed them, clothe them, and bear their burdens—these aren’t just for them. It’s so the world also knows God’s heart. It’s so the world sees a God who goes after the one, leaving the stable ninety-nine in the sheep pen secure while he brings the lost one home.

God uses mothering instincts to describe himself. Jesus compares himself to a mother hen, covering Jerusalem (Matt. 23:37). God compares his heart and commitment to his people to a nursing mother who won’t forget her children (Is. 49:15). (And if you’ve ever nursed, you know it’s physically impossible to forget that you have a baby to feed in a few hours. If your tired brain forgets, your body never will.)

Do we think he gave us these instincts just to use on our flesh and blood? If he didn’t, why should expect any less for ourselves? Sometimes the instincts need to gestate for a while. Your children are little. You have other work to attend to. But then, there is margin. Your kids are in school. Your kids are out of the house. But those instincts haven’t changed—and they have a purpose.

One buffering adult. One safe person. One caring mom. These can be the stand in for the losses the children in our communities face.

The kids are not alright. Can we rest while they’re not okay? Or will leave the ninety-nine to go after them?